Queer People Deserve Queer Therapists
CW: mention of suicide rates in trans and GNC folks
If you’ve ever been to therapy as a queer or trans person, you may know the feeling: sitting across from a well-meaning, “LGBTQ+ affirming” therapist—and still feeling completely misunderstood. Maybe they fumble your pronouns, offer awkward silence instead of solidarity, or treat your identity like a case study. Even with the best intentions, too many therapists outside of our communities miss the mark.
Why? Because being affirming is not the same as having a lived experience. And being affirming is not the same as being equipped. Queer and GNC people deserve therapists who understand our lives from the inside out—not just from textbooks, CEU courses, or dear god, Queer Eye. However, queer and trans providers are significantly underrepresented in the field of mental health, and there are even fewer BIPOC and disabled queer and trans therapists. At the same time, the rates of mental health issues in the LGBTQ+ community are significantly higher than in the general population.
Let’s look at the numbers –
About 10% of the U.S. population openly identifies as LGBTQ+ with that number expected to be much higher in reality (Williams Institute, Gallup). Many people that do not openly identify as queer or trans are the very ones seeking therapy and are not captured in that statistic.
Nearly 30% of Gen Z identifies as LGBTQ+ (HRC)
Over 40% of trans youth contemplated suicide in 2023, double the rate of their cisgender peers on average (Trevor Project)
TGNB youth attempt suicide at a rate four times higher that of their cisgender peers (NIH)
Although exact numbers are unclear, it is estimated about 10% of therapists identify as LGBTQ+ and not all work exclusively with LGBTQ+ populations.
Openly trans therapists make up only 1–4% of mental health providers, approximately.
This disconnect becomes critical when paired with the reality of queer mental health. According to The Trevor Project, over 80% of LGBTQ+ youth want mental health support, but only half actually receive it. And of that half, few receive care from an LGBTQ+ provider. For queer adults, the disparities continue—nearly half experience mental health symptoms, almost twice the rate of their non-LGBTQ+ peers. But only 1 in 4 can access mental health care at all (CEPR).
Queer, trans, and gender non-conforming folks deserve providers who get us and get it. Providers who don’t flinch and instead nod knowingly when we talk about identity, intimacy, transition, or trauma. Therapists who know that things like nonmonogamy, kink, and BDSM are not “niche” topics or worse, pathological—they're important, complex, rich realities. Many cis-het therapists assume that their lack of overt bias towards the LGBTQ+ community is equivalent to an adequate skillset to work with the LGBTQ+ community. There are talented cis-het therapists with good intentions who have said some really misguided, weird, and often harmful stuff because they simply don’t or can’t know.
So, if you can, in my opinion, find an openly LGBTQ+ therapist who shares your intersecting identities, values, and preferred therapeutic approach. It can be deeply healing to simply sit in front of another queer person without the need to explain.
If an LGBTQ+ provider is not available or accessible for you, try to find an (actually) allied and affirming practitioner. Start by asking them questions—lots of them.
The questions we would recommend asking any provider you are considering working with are:
What are your top three specialties—and is the LGBTQ+ population one of them?
What does “LGBTQ+ affirming” mean to you?
What training have you had related to trans folks, queer folks, etc.?
Are you involved in queer advocacy in your community?
How do you understand systemic oppression, minority stress, and their impact on the LGBTQ+ experience?
Are you sex-positive, kink-affirming, poly-affirming (and anything else that might be relevant to you) and how does that practically show up in the therapy room?
What’s the last queer book, training, or video you engaged with?
What are your top three values that you bring to your therapy practice?
How have you unlearned the historic pathologizing of queer and trans identities in the mental health field?
Note: If you’re using a therapist directory like Psychology Today, beware of therapists who list everything as their specialty. No one can specialize in every topic, and expertise in LGBTQ+ issues takes time and intentionality. It’s not just a box to be checked.
LGBTQ+ folks deserve a provider who is open about their skills and not defensive about what they don’t know. So, if your potential therapist doesn’t knock every answer out of the park, listen for foundational knowledge, humility, and a prioritization of client dignity, autonomy, and respect. Most importantly, you are the expert of your own experience. While most therapists aren’t going to get it perfect 100% of the time, therapy should never require you to educate your therapist about your humanity. You are paying for a service—and you have every right to ask questions until it feels like a right fit for you and your resources.
And no—being queer doesn’t automatically make someone a great therapist to queer people. Great LGBTQ+ therapists are lifelong learners who pursue ongoing training about things within their expertise and beyond, even if their specialty is their own community. Great LGBTQ+ therapists understand and call out disparities within the community, intersectional differences, and their own gaps in knowledge. Still, lived experience does matter, and, in my opinion, often matters more than specialized training and certifications.
If you’re looking for a queer or trans therapist or somatic practitioner, learn more about Embodied Therapy Collective here. If we aren’t the right fit for you, we have an extensive referral list and can help point you in the right direction.
Note: For any therapists reading: To be clear, we love and need our allies! And, being a true ally may mean stepping away from spaces that are outside of your lived experience or expertise. If you are a well-trained LGBTQ+ affirming therapist, consider referring out to a queer or trans therapist if your potential client may find more benefit working with someone with shared identities.
References:
Association of Gender Identity Acceptance with Fewer Suicide Attempts Among Transgender and Nonbinary Youth , CEPR, Gallup, HRC, The Trevor Project, Williams Institute