PDA Isn’t Defiance—It’s a Survival Response
Maybe you know someone who struggles to comply with what seems to be simple requests—brushing their teeth, answering a text message, or even doing an activity that they want to do. You might be tempted to call them stubborn or controlling. But for people with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA)*, it’s not about being difficult. It’s about safety.
PDA is a profile on the autism spectrum where demands—external or internal—trigger an anxiety-driven, nervous system response. The brain interprets expectations as a loss of control and, in turn, activates avoidance as a form of self-protection.
In this context, “demands” don’t just mean instructions from others—they can include any expectation, request, or task, even those the person sets for themselves. They can be theoretically enjoyable “demands” such as starting a hobby or calling a loved one. But for a person with PDA, the result may be withdrawal, panic, or a complete freeze response – not by choice, but by neurological design.
What causes PDA?
While research is still emerging, PDA is understood as a neurological profile related to autism, shaped by both genetics and nervous system sensitivity. It often involves heightened threat perception and a strong need for autonomy, sometimes linked to early experiences of stress, trauma, or sensory overwhelm.
People with PDA may seem clever in how they deflect (humor, negotiation, distraction), but underneath is often intense distress. They might suddenly change the subject, crack a joke, pretend to misunderstand, or shut down completely to escape the pressure. Forcing compliance, enforcing rigid rules, or name-calling (such as “rude” or “lazy”) only increases anxiety and reinforces the demand-avoidance cycle.
Instead, try to:
Reduce pressure and allow flexibility
Use soft, low-demand language
Offer autonomy, not control
Lead with empathy, not expectation
PDA isn’t purely oppositional behavior. It’s a deeply wired response to overwhelm. When we respond with understanding—not force—we give people with PDA the safety they need to engage.
*Note: The term “pathological” is rooted in white supremacy and not one we use at Embodied Therapy Collective. Many behaviors that the mental health field has deemed “pathological” are reasonable responses in the context of trauma and systemic oppression. However, we are using the term here as it is, unfortunately, most recognizable in this context. Many folks with PDA prefer the label “Persistent Drive for Autonomy”.